The 12 days of Yule

December 25, 1997
Dearest Bob,
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.
With deepest love and affection,
Violet

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December 26,1997
Dearest Bob,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine - two turtle doves!! I'm delighted at your very Thoughtful gift. They are just too adorable.
My everlasting love,
Violet

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December 27, 1997
My dear Bob,
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one! Now I actually must protest. I don't deserve such generosity - three French hens! They are just darling, but I must insist - -you've been too, too kind.
All my love,
Violet

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December 28, 1997
My dear Bob,
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now, really, they ARE beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You are just being Too romantic.
Love,
Violet

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December 29, 1997
Dear Bob,
What a marvelous surprise! Today the postman delivered five gold rings, one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. To tell you the truth, all these lovely birds can really squawk and are getting on my nerves.
Affectionately,
Violet

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December 30, 1997
Bob,
Today the postman knocked and ran. When I opened the door, there were actually six geese-a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again. Those geese are huge. Where in the name of creation will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining, rightly so, and it is impossible to sleep through the racket.
Now let this be the end of this.
Cordially,
Violet

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December 31, 1997
Bob:
What the hell's with you and these fucking birds? Seven swans-a-swimming? What kind of goddamn joke is this? There's bird shit all over the house and they never stop with the racket. I can't get a damn bit of sleep and I'm a nervous wreck. Stop with this sadistic nonsense.
This is not funny and I am very unhappy.
Sincerely,
Violet

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January 1, 1998
O.K., Pal!
What in the screaming hell am I going to do with eight maids-a-milking? Jesus! I think I prefer the goddamn birds. The goddamn maids-a-milking had to bring their goddamn cows. There is cow shit all over my lawn and bird shit all over the house. I can't even move my feet. Just leave me the hell alone, smartass.
Vi

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January 2, 1998
Listen, Shithead!
You sadistic bastard! I now have nine pipers piping in my front yard and they are standing knee deep in cow shit. This, after chasing those maids all night long. Consequently, upsetting the cows to the point that they are stepping all over the screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
Up yours,
Vi

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January 3, 1998
You rotten PRICK!
Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long. Now the goddamn cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The Commissioner of Zoning and the Building Inspector have subpoenaed me to give just cause as to why this building should not be condemned. I'm calling the police! I mean it, by God!

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January 4, 1998
Listen, FUCKHEAD:
Never in my wildest imagination did I ever think that I would be witness to eleven Lords-a-leaping on that many maids and ladies. They took those broads like Grant took Richmond and many will never walk exactly right again. I wasn't the only witness, by the way. The "60 Minutes" camera crew and staff are just loading up their cameras and equipment on a chartered plane and are racing against time to have the first Christmas Special on Pay TV. For the record, all 23 of the birds are dead. They were trampled to death in the orgy. As God is my witness, some how, some day, I'LL GET YOU! I never want to see your fucking face again as long as I live.
Miss Violet Monica Habersham

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January 5, 1998
Law Offices
Goldstien, Silverberg, and O'Reily
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve drummers drumming, which you have seen fit to inflict upon our client, Miss Violet Monica Habersham. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss Habersham at the West County Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight! With this letter please find attached, a warrant for your arrest.
Sincerely,
Anthony Gionetti
Associate

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

RANT TIME!! I got in my Jeep like any other day. I turned on my defrost like any other day. I turn on the radio to 104.9 and crank it like anyother day and I hear.....DEF LEPARD??? What the FUCK?!!? OK. Fuck!! Just fuck! Is it April fool's? Nope, November (April is a fool, but....) Four days ago they took the only heavy metal station off Seattle radio. MY STATION. Damnit. I LIVED that station. The Funkey Monkey (love the name) is now gone and I have to either buy decent music or wait until Midnight on Saturday night to hear good, new metal...and you know that any good witch is at ritual for some reason or another on Saturday night...... ;) No more commercial-free, head-banging, get-geared-to-kick-employee-ass music. They fucking replace it with hair-bands!!!! SLAP!! What could be worse, right?


This morning my alarm clock radio was playing 24 HOUR CHRISTMAS MUSIC UNTIL THE FUCKING 25TH!!!! crap. So had to dig deep and really look at myself and all the....anger...*snort. So.... enjoy the list below....Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged:


Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?
Amnesia - I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas
Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Queens Disoriented Are
Dementia - I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
Narcissistic - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me!
Manic - Deck the Halls & Walls & House & Lawn & Streets & Stores & Office & Town & Cars & Busses & Trucks & trees & Fire Hydrants and...
Paranoid - Santa Claus is Coming to Get me!
Borderline Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why
Tourette's Syndrome - Chestnuts...FUCK YOU! ...roasting on...BITE ME! an open fire...ASSHOLE!
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...
Agoraphobia - I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House
Autistic - Jingle Bell Rock and Rock and Rock and Rock
Senile Dementia - Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House In My Slippers and Robe
Oppositional Defiant Disorder - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House
Social Anxiety Disorder - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate

Jo Lynn and Summer....practice this spell...we need to have it down!

The Spell of Traveling to British Isles

Upon 40 days of Prayre and Fasting, with Purest Faithe and Calling unto the Gods...
I. Clasp near thy rod of power (a.k.a. a telephone)
II. Call forth for ye Spirits of Travelle and theire nefarious Agents
III. Yea, state and visualize thy destination --thrice, for the Agents of Travel to Comprhende Thee...
IV. Yea, Task them and overcome them in Ye Test of Wills
V. SPEAKE THE WORDS OF POWER: VISA, MASTERCARD, AMEX
VI. Two weeks hence, take ye under New Moon to Clearing of the Travel
VII. Present Thyself in Trembling and Loathing to the Guardians of the Towers of the North, East, South and West and Present to them the holy scroll of the High Priestess: TICKET
VIII. Pass ye surely through the Elemental Detector and its "Ever Alert" guardians of Thy Safety (But not Thy Rights)
IX. Wait Until the Stars show, the wind blows and the new grass grows
X. When your Gryphon of Metal arriveth (and, ha, craven fool, it arriveth not when ye expect but only upon the winged beast's good and fickle pleasure), board it and fly away.

LOKI LOVES ME

For all you Asatru fans this is a kick in the pants.  Sung to the classic Jesus Loves You tune.  No I didn't post it because I hate Christians (never did never will).  I just thought it was funny!  Get fucking over it....

Loki loves me this I know,
For last night he told me so.
Little minions march along,
Drive you crazy with this song.

Chorus:
   Yes, Loki loves me
   Yes, Loki loves me
   Yes, Loki loves me
   Last night he told me so

In the circle I did say
Loki send some luck my way
Great big smile all I did see
He said he'd come visit me

Monday morning, I woke up
Found piss in my coffee cup
Dung upon the kitchen floor
Slipped on it right through the door

Tuesday morning I arose
Found matchsticks between my toes
Loki's smile was nice and bright
"Hey there bud, you got a light?"

Wednesday when I went to work
Loki in my office lurked
Heard my secretary scream
"Oh, my GOD that's so obscene!"

Thursday morn, when I was gone
Loki mowed the neighbor's lawn
Even though the job was free
I found out he's sueing me

Friday when my grandma came
I though I would go insane
Found her tied up to my bed
Great big smile and damn near dead!

Saturday I went to lunch
With that same ol' black tie bunch
Loki came with as my guest
Insulted most and f**ked the rest

Sunday morn, a peaceful dawn
I looked around, was Loki gone?
A note upon my kitchen door
Read "Buy more beer, I'll go get Thor!"

Polytheist Creation Story

Original speech by Barry Marin (PanThea 2002) and one of my very favorites of all time.

Well, Yes. I became a polytheist because I have a scientific mind. I looked at the evidence: Teats on men. Nose hair. EAR hair! The Krebs cycle. This body has all the earmarks of something designed by a COMMITTEE!

And I know women were involved. Because, let's face it: If a MAN had invented MEN, my balls would not be where they are. They'd be in my chest, or my skull, somewhere SAFE.

My real problem is that they let the trickster Gods into it. Like farting. You KNOW farting was Pan's idea. It's just exactly his style.

I can just picture the animal design committee in my mind. There's Hermes in the corner, making insect after insect after insect. They're small, they fly, they're annoying. Perfect!

So Artemis wanted something to hunt them: invented the Wren. Aphrodite didn't think that was pretty enough: invented the Bluebird. Ares thought that was too tame: made the Hawk. Zeus thought that was too small: invented the Falcon. Poseidon had to top that: created the Eagle. Athena put her twist on the idea: invented the Owl. Hera wanted something more practical: invented the Chicken. That was too ugly for Aphrodite: made the Peacock. Zeus wanted bigger chickens: created the Turkey. And Bacchus chimed in: "Ok, ok! It's a chicken. A BIG chicken! A REALLY big chicken! And it's got a looonnngg neck!" 

"Looks too big to fly, Bacchus." 

"It don't fly, it runs really fast!"

"That's nice, Bacchus."

So then, we know Poseidon created the Horse. Aphrodite didn't think that was pretty enough: made the Gazelle. Hera wanted something more practical again: created the Cow. Zeus made it bigger: invented the Ox. Poseidon had to top THAT: invented the Elephant. Cows weren't fierce enough for Ares: made the Leopard. Which Zeus wanted bigger: created the Lion. which now Artemis had to top: invented the tiger. And Bacchus: "Right! So it's a horse, a BIG horse! And it's got a looonnngg neck; And ORANGE POLKA DOTS!"

"That's nice, Bacchus."

And it went on.

Athena made Fish for Poseidon. Zeus made them bigger: created Whales. Poseidon returned the favor: invented Rabbits for Athena's Owls. Aphrodite wanted them softer: made Chinchillas. And, of course, Bacchus: "Ok, So; it's a looonnngg neck!" 

"How many feet does it have, Bacchus?"

"It's got no feet! It's just a loooonnng neck. Slithering on the ground!"

"That's nice, Bacchus."

And so it went.

If you listen carefully and observe the world around you, you begin to hear the music of creation. And it's not the monotone, monotonous march of a monotheistic Deity. What single God would bother to invent 9000 different kinds of Frog? No, that music is Jazz! One idea bouncing off another, and taking off in a new direction. Riffs; and variations on themes, and variations of the variations. Obviously a group effort! Until finally, Bacchus, from deep in his cups: "Platypus!"

THAT'S NICE BACCHUS."

Football: Christians VS Pagan

OK.  I couldn't help it.  With all the ruckus over I'm right and You're wrong fueling a never-ending (ho hum) debate, I found the following and laughed my ass off.  Unfortuanlly there was not an author that I could find...so this is lovingly plagiarized.

Heard one night on Between the Worlds Radio, WIKA...

Bob: For those of you who have just joined us, this has been one hell of a game! The Salem Witches, led by the ferocious play of Sven Gahrinnson, a huge Asatru defensive end, have taken a 21-14 lead over the Bethany  Baptists.

Sam: That's right, Bob. Sven's a force, but Bethany's quarterback Paul Damascus has been throwing passes with all the zeal of an evangelist passing out tracts on Judgement Day. Leading the Baptists' Fire and Brimstone offense, Damascus has been burning the Witches' secondary all evening.

Bob: Sam, now that was uncalled for...

Sam: Hey, if the Witches hadn't put a spell on the referees they wouldn't even be in this game!

Bob: And if the Baptists hadn't soaked the field with holy water, the Witches would still be able to use their running game, not to mention the third degree burns that Salem's tight end received.

Sam: His name was Vlad! I'll bet he wasn't only a witch but a…

Bob: Don't say it!

Sam: But the Bible says...

Bob: SAM! Let's return to the action on the field.

Sam: [mumbling] Well it does...

Bob: Salem's just about to kick off with 2:35 left in the fourth quarter. JohnPaul is on his own five yard line to receive for the Baptists. Here's the kick... It's a beauty! Just look at the hang time!

Sam: I'd look for a penalty on that kick. Illegal summoning of air elementals, I would think.

Bob: JohnPaul takes the kick... he's on the ten... the fifteen... WOW! WHAT A HIT!! Sven just leveled JohnPaul! I'm amazed Bethany's return man could even hold on to the ball. Uh oh... JohnPaul's not moving. The trainers are coming out to the field.

Sam: [chanting gleefully] Threefold law! Threefold law! Sven's going to pay! He meant to hit him hard.

Bob: Sam, this is football! You're supposed to hit them hard. Besides, Sven's not Wiccan, he's Asatru!

Sam: [mumbling] Well, they're all going to burn in hell. They aren't Christian, after all. The Bible says --

Bob: [cutting off Sam] It looks like JohnPaul's going to be okay. He may not know what time zone he's in after that hit, but at least he's on his feet. The Witches' defense takes the field. Sven holds down the left side while Gavin Lord leads Salem's Wild Hunt defense. Listen to them howl! The Witches' fans are going wild, the pep band is leading a spiral dance while the cheerleaders are drawing down the moon. I can't imagine how Bethany can even hear the count over all this noise! Here's the snap. Damascus drops back. Here comes Sven! Damascus is scrambling, chased by the Wild Hunt. He has nowhere to run, not with the Hunt on his heels. Damascus throws the ball away, stopping the clock with 2:08 left to play.

Sam: There's a flag on the play. I'll bet it's against the Witches

Bob: My guess is holding on the offense, Sam. 

Sam: Yeah, right. You're just saying that 'cause you don't want the Baptists to win.

Bob: No, I'm saying that because one of Bethany's offensive linemen is still holding someone's kilt!

Sam: They should call that a foul. After all, the Bible says --

Bob: [cutting Sam off again] The refs have marked off the penalty and the players are lining up again. Damascus is calling the signals. Here's the snap. He drops back and throws. It's caught by Moses at the 30 and he's brought down immediately. That's going to bring up the two minute warning.

Sam: Let's break for a word from our sponsor, New Jerusalem Witnessing Tracts.

Bob: Let's not. We're back! The word on JohnPaul's injury is either a slight concussion or demon possession. The team is calling in a specialist from the Vatican to be sure. It seems that Sven hit him hard enough that the Bethany return man thinks he's in a past life. He keeps saying, I was really just kidding. I like lions. Really. Good kitty! There's 1:58 left on the game clock and from the look of things on the field, I think that Bethany's starting to panic.

Sam: Why do you say that?

Bob: Because it looks like they're going for the Hail Mary play.

Sam: And why do you say that?

Bob: Just listen to the Baptists' fans.

Fans: Hail Mary, Mother of God... Hail Mary, Mother of God...

Bob: Here's the snap. Damascus drops back... he's under pressure... Damascus scrambles to the right, looking for an open receiver... he reverses the field, running to the left... Sven is right on his heals... He throws... Touchdown!! What an immaculate reception! Touchdown Bethany!

Sam: Yes! Yes! YES!!!

Bob: Let's be a little objective here...

Sam: Time to make those sinners pay!

Bob: Bethany's going for the two point conversion. The Wild Hunt is growling, you can hear it even over the roar of the crowd. This could be the game right here, folks. The Baptists are pulling out all the stops. I think that's even the Ark of the Covenant that they're parading over there. Here's the snap... It's a quarterback sneak! Damascus dives into the heart of the Wild Hunt! Look at that pile! Damascus is somewhere at the bottom. It's going to be a moment before they sort this one out, folks. One of the Baptists is in Sven's face. Uh oh... I think he's witnessing to the Asatru. Yep! There's the flag! That'll be unsportsmanlike conduct on Bethany. Fifteen yards off the kick off. It looks like the Baptists have made the conversion! Bethany leads 22 to 21.

Sam: That's not the only thing they converted. It looks like Sven is headed back to Bethany's sideline.

Bob: No! Sven! You're a warrior! Come back! Come back!

Sam: Oh... is da widdle asatwoo a kwistjun now?

Bob: [ignoring Sam] Fourth quarter... 1:22 left on the clock. Bethany sends a deep booming kick into Salem's end zone. Wait... who is that returning the kick? Long hair... curves... It's Artemis! Those Bethany defenders don't know who they have coming at them!

Sam: If she turns anyone into a stag and they don't call a penalty, I'll protest!

Bob: Artemis fields the ball deep in her own end zone. She's bringing it out! She's at the five, at the ten... breaks a tackle… to the fifteen, the twenty... she's on the sideline with room to run... Does anyone hear trumpets? Are those angels over there? OHMIGOD WHAT WAS THAT FLASH OF LIGHT?!?!??!

Sam: Where did all of Bethany's players go? Where are their fans?

Bob: Looks like its the Rapture... Artemis is left with a field empty of defenders... She's at the fifty... the forty... the twenty...Touchdown!! Salem's ahead by five with Bethany nowhere in sight!

Sam: Judgement Day... It can't be Judgement Day...

Bob: Looks like the refs are talking this one over. The clock is stopped with fifty-eight seconds left to play. The Bethany Baptists are nowhere in sight and the Salem Witches lead 27 - 22. Here's the official 
ruling...That's game! The Bethany Baptists forfeit the game and the Salem Witches win, 27 - 22!

Sam: [still bemoaning his fate] Judgement Day... It was Judgement Day and no one came to get me! It can't be Judgement Day! Why? Why, Bob? Why?

Bob: Don't know, Sam. It's your system of belief, not mine. You're welcome to hang out with us Pagans.

Sam: Dear GOD! It was Judgement Day and they sent me to Hell! This is Hell, isn't it Bob?

Bob: [thinking of being the only Pagan that Sam knows] Only for me, Sam. Only for me.

All due to a Dalai Lama quote....

WARNING:  side effects to many Christians are heart palpitations, hyperventilation, bleeding eyes, bleeding ears if read aloud, anger, sudden impulse to show all those nasty people the ONLY WAY -- Christ Jesus, Lord and Savior, prayer and forgiveness for said nasty people.  Read at your own risk.

Christianity is not a gentle religion. Not to mention the books are all very....violent...interesting, but violent. Leviticus reads like a cookbook when it comes to offerings; the next books read of war (which many of the tactics used in the Bible are used to this day in our war tactics); God gets pissed and kills every one in a flood (by the way in EVERY cultural myth - before Christ's coming). Old Testament is violent and the ways were different...more...pagan. But it is OK and all explained away, because the prophet Jesus Christ sacrificed himself on the cross (which too is in MANY cultural myths - before Christ's coming)....such is the differences between the two testaments. Of course it focuses on the brutal punishment that Jesus suffered, but didn't touch at how Christians persecuted other pagans in that era. “You are fucking wrong!.....And I will torture you for it!”.....how.....primitive. They were both wrong. Anger bred hatred which bred death which was excused by the name of one God or another. That is wrong no matter which God you kill for. Christians did it to Pagans, Pagans did it back to Christians, Christians did it back to Pagans....history shall wheel itself..... We are still at it, my friends. Such is the way of life...is the way of nature.

What I never agreed with was the negative force that Christian portrays when “preaching”. You MUST believe that Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior or burn for eternity in a lake of fire....But Wait! What about God? Jesus is only a SON of God...NOT God. Why would ANYONE have to believe in a son in order to be saved by GOD? Well, unbeliever, God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are different, but are one and the same....like an egg has three parts, shell, yoke, white, but it is still an egg..... Holy bird-shit Robin!....sounds a lot Pagan! Unbeliever, Christ died for your sins as that you many now have a chance at heaven not hell....sacrificing himself....with much human emotion.

Another point – Christianity is a NEW religion (regardless as to what their followers will say). All that is within the myths had already been reflected in other cultures. However, Christianity holds one champion over all others – blood. It is the MOST bloody religion on Earth (yup including all those nasty Pagan sacrifices). Christians are fueled to “turn” everyone....regardless if they must burn them at the stake, shoot them with a gun, or visit your porch step and shove it down your throat. So...killing is OK if done in the name of Jesus. Don't believe me? Read above....view point forced down throats in a negative manner.... Sigh

Christians have Pagan DNA ---
Candles:

For mystical reasons the Church prescribes that the candles used at Mass and at other liturgical functions be made of beeswax (luminaria cerea. — Missale Rom., De Defectibus, X, I; Cong. Sac. Rites, 4 September, 1875). The pure wax extracted by bees from flowers symbolizes the pure flesh of Christ received from His Virgin Mother, the wick signifies the soul of Christ, and the flame represents His divinity. Although the two latter properties are found in all kinds of candles, the first is proper of beeswax candles only. It is, however, not necessary that they be made of beeswax without any admixture. The paschal candle and the two candlesex cera apum saltem in maxima parte, but the other candles in majori vel notabili quantitate ex eadem cera (Cong. Sac. Rit., 14 December, 1904). Son of a ….... this is starting to read like my Book of Shadows. Dudes, don't even try. Candles are used by more Christian faiths than just Catholicism – light of Christ, Don't hid it under a bush – oh, no! (those of you who have done the whole Sunday School thing know exactly what I mean).

Incense:

Incense, with its sweet-smelling perfume and high-ascending smoke, is typical of the good Christian's, which, enkindled in the heart by the fire of God's love and exhaling the odour of Christ, rises up a pleasing offering in His sight (cf. Amalarius, "De eccles. officiis" in P.L., CV). Incensing is the act of imparting the odour of incense. The censer is held in the right hand at the height of the breast, and grasped by the chain near the cover; the left hand, holding the top of the chain, is placed on the breast. The censer is then raised upwards to the height of the eyes, given an outward motion and slightly ascending towards the object to be incensed, and at once brought back to the starting point. This constitutes a single swing. For a double swing the outward motion should be repeated, the second movement being more pronounced than the first. The dignity of the person or thing will determine whether the swing is to be single or double, and also whether one swing or more are to be given....crap...they'd have to swing it like a helicopter propeller for me. ;) Again, not just the Catholic branch uses incense. Psalm 141 (140), verse 2: "Let my prayer be directed as incense in thy sight: the lifting up of my hands, as evening sacrifice." Yeah, before you try, it is in the New Testament as the "golden bowl full of incense" are "the prayers of the saints" (Revelation 5:8, cf. Revelation 8:3) which infuse upwards towards the altar of God.

Saints:

First off Pagan Gods and Goddesses became Saints. There are too many for me to get into here, but if wanted can on a different post. Yeah, I have a section much like this in my Book of Shadows too. It's called DemiGods.

Jesus:

Man, I don't even know where to start with this one. The virgin birth, the birth witnesses and gifts, the healing and other miricals, his minastry, the fishing, the last supper, the arrest, the crusificion and the reserection all in ancient religions before Christianity. He is part of the Holy Trinity (yup, Pagan, you know what that is). There are many more, but I've lost interest.  If you want more, it can be posted later.

Mother Mary:

This is another big one that has too many facets to describe now. Just like the Saints he sits a seat in the Catholic and Christian church and the “mother” (Juno, Athor, Hestia, Virgo Diepara....etc depending on the area/culture. Pagans have no problems seeing this for what it is – classic Idology.

Christan Holidays:

Christmas, Easter – must we really? These history examples are easy enough to find. Basis – Tree, songs, gifts, light, greenery...all pagan. Jesus was not born in December, blah, blah, blah. Basis – hare, eggs, colored hidden eggs, hot cross buns. Yaddah, yaddah, yaddah.

Holy Communion:

It was a tradition of eating and drinking the body and blood of a holy man god who died for the sake and sins of mankind. The Christians were not the first ones to do the holy communion. It was actually the Roman pagan followers of the Roman god Bacchus. You really should see the face of the Christian when you tell them it originated with the god of wine and beer and earthly pleasures....priceless.


 They didn't come up with anything new that the other religions followed, -- only forced-will on others and an attempted monotheism (see below for explanation of attempted). Of course when you state such, Christians deny it...then pray for you...or negatively force their view down your throat. Organized religion is just plain dangerous....and causes those to miss the point of religion in the first place. Getting wrapped up about “I'm right and You're wrong” is NOT the point. It is the internal development of a person – morals, ethics, faith, values, spirit, etc, etc, etc. It is but the individual that must deal with what is, what should be, and what will become. It is NOT the right for ALL to play the shepherd when they are too but sheep.

Claiming Monotheism is actually harder than the Christian faith would want you to believe. Monotheism is the belief in one God. not plurality of the divine. Hmmm....the Trinity, in which God is one being in three eternal persons (the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit)...not Monotheism. Additionally, most Christian churches teach Jesus to be two natures (divine and human), each possessing the full attributes of that nature, without mixture or intermingling of those attributes...not Monotheism Not to mention that God refers to himself as plural – Us, We. Not until Isaiah is it understand that HE is the first, last and there are no other gods but Him. This is so shot full of holes, it's not even fun any more.

Warm Weather Crazies

We had unbelievable weather this last week. All week we ranged in the 70s. Can you believe it that we laid about 80 tons of asphalt in NOVEMBER!! November in Washington is the wettest month of the year. That is saying something we get over a 100 inches of rain a year over here. The whole state gets an average of 27 inches – but all of the east side of Washington never gets rain. Needless to say, it is odd weather.

This odd weather brings out the crazies. A routine stop at the gas station was even weird. At work not far from the job site I stop to gas up the jeep. I jump out and across the gas pump is an older man (late 50s) gassing up his van. This black dude was in too good of mood. You know those people that are so happy that you just want to slap the shit out of them and say “Quit fucking pretending! You fake bastard!”

“Well, Hello, Sweetheart!” Says the old black man in a sing song voice.

“Wow....He's on drugs...” My inner voice laughs, but I smile at him. “Hello back at ya'” My outside voice says.

“What a wonderful day. Can you believe this weather! Good things are going to happen!” He explains.

“Yup...drugs...definitely....definably.” I laugh out loud at my inner voice and retort with “Let's enjoy it while we can. I hear it's gonna start raining again this weekend.”

“Oh I'm enjoying everything even the rain. I know that it is the Good Jesus Christ nourishing us all here below his greatness.” He says all the while using that typical black-man-preacher voice.

“Oh Gods....drugs, Alzheimers, AND Jesus Freak....this guy's fucked...” I'm smiling now at my inner voice “Ah. Yes you are correct we must learn to dance in the rain instead of waiting for it to pass.”

He looks at me in a surprised look and adamantly agrees “you are right!” Just like that he jumps subject. “You are the type of person people gravitate towards. Your smile keeps them smiling. It is contagious as well as your laugh.”

“....Damned, I was wrong, he just fucking nuts...” I replace the gas handle into the pump and screw on my gas cap. “Why yes you are very right.” I reply with a smart-ass smile to go with the smart-ass answer. “You have an absolutely wonderful day.” I tell him.

“Oh I will. You have a great day too and I won't tell anyone.” He says with a smile.

I turn to look at him with an intrigued look. “Won't tell what?”

“That you're a princess.”

With a snort, I smile, wave and drive off. “damned crazies come out with the abnormally good weather and the full moon. Damn, I can't wait until it starts to rain...then maybe people will get back to normal....”

Cages we create

You are only as good as you think you are. If you will it, and act it, it will become. If it doesn't become, you need to revisit your want and insure that you really want it, or that it is best for you. Results vary upon two things 1) the self confidence you ensue and 2) the belief of an outcome.

Self confidence will make more things happen than you can imagine. In that certain mind frame you create a projection of a self image....a projection of a certain energy. Belief in your own worth, after all, is a powerful tool for getting where you want to go in life - it feeds your sense of optimism, attracts others, and gives you the courage to deal with the cards life hands you.

There are self defeating thought patterns that need to be analyzed to ensure they are avoided.

• All Or Nothing Thinking. “I am a total failure when my performance is not perfect.”
• Seeing Only Dark Clouds. Disaster lurks around every corner and comes to be expected. For example, a single negative detail, piece of criticism, or passing comment darkens all reality. “I got a C on one chem test, now I’ll never get into medical school.”
• Magnification Of Negative/Minimization Of Positive. Good things don’t count nearly as much as bad ones. “I know I won five chess games in a row, but losing this one makes me feel terrible about myself.”
• Uncritical Acceptance Of Emotions As Truth. “I feel ugly so it must be true.”
• Overemphasis On “Should” Statements. “Should” statements are often perfectionistic and reflective of others’ expectations rather than expressive of your own wants and desires. “Everyone should have a career plan when they come to college. I don’t so there must be something wrong with me.”
• Labeling. Labeling is a simplistic process and often conveys a sense of blame. “I am a loser and it’s my fault.”
• Difficulty Accepting Compliments. “You like this outfit? I think it makes me look fat.”

I myself have problems with two of these. I have a tendency to magnify negatives/minimize positives. I also have issues accepting compliments (this goes hand in hand with the minimizing the positive). Upon reflexion I see that because of my type C personality, it is natural for me to get involved with the details. Therefore it is typical for me to emotionally over play a mistake of mine even if it is the most minor of details. Also I see that the difficulty accepting compliments is not but pride and the easier of the two to be conquered. The compliment itself puffs the pride and it is the resulting remarks that seek an expansion of said compliment. Everyone likes to hear how good they are, but to thrive on it diminishes any positive that comes from a compliment. This too can be hurtful to the one giving the compliment. They will feel like they are not appreciated either – they were trying to be nice, but you wouldn't acknowledge that.

This brings me to belief in an outcome. Ever heard the story of the four-minute mile? For years people believed that it is impossible for a human being to run a mile in less than four minutes until Roger Banister proved it wrong in 1954. Within one year, 37 runners broke the belief barrier. And the year after that, 300 other runners did the same thing. Currently the world record is held by Morocco's Hicham El Guerrouj at 3:43.13. How about the placebo effect? In recent decades reports have confirmed the efficacy of various sham treatments in nearly all areas of medicine. Placebos have helped alleviate pain, depression, anxiety, Parkinson’s disease, inflammatory disorders and even cancer.  Placebo effects can arise not only from a conscious belief in a drug but also from subconscious associations between recovery and the experience of being treated.  Belief makes it happen -- or not.  No belief is right or wrong. It is either empowering or limiting.

Twas the Evening of Samhain

Twas the Evening of Samhain
by Cather Steincamp

'Twas the evening of Samhain, and all through the place

were pagans preparing the ritual space.

The candles were set in the corners with care,

in hopes that the Watchtowers soon would be there.

We all had our robes on (as is habitual)

and had just settled down and were starting our ritual

when out on the porch there arose such a chorus

that we went to the door, and waiting there for us

were children in costumes of various kinds

with visions of chocolate bright in their minds.

 

In all of our workings, we'd almost forgot,

but we had purchased candy (we'd purchased a LOT),

And so, as they flocked from all over the street,

they all got some chocolate or something else sweet.

We didn't think twice of delaying our rite,

Kids just don't have this much fun every night.

For hours they came, with the time-honored schtick

of giving a choice: a treat or a trick.

 

As is proper, the parents were there for the games,

Watching the children and calling their names.

"On Vader, On Leia,

On Dexter and DeeDee,

On Xena, on Buffy,

Casper and Tweety!

To the block of apartments

on the neighboring road;

You'll get so much candy,

you'll have to be TOWED!"

 

The volume of children eventually dropped,

and as it grew darker, it finally stopped.

But as we prepared to return to our rite,

One child more stepped out of the night.

 

She couldn't have been more than twelve or thirteen.

Her hair was deep red, and her robe, forest green

with a simple gold cord tying off at the waist.

She'd  a staff in her hand and a smile on her face.

No make-up, nor mask, or accompanying kitsch,

so we asked who she was; she replied "I'm a witch.

And no, I don't fly through the sky on my broom;

I only use that thing for cleaning my room.

My magical powers aren't really that neat,

but I won't threaten tricks; I'll just ask for a treat."

 

We found it refreshing, so we gave incense cones,

A candle, a crystal, a few other stones,

And the rest of the candy (which might fill a van).

She turned to her father (a man dressed as Pan)

and laughed, "Yes, I know, Dad, it's past time for bed,"

and started to leave, but she first turned and said

"I'm sorry for further delaying your rite.

Blessed Samhain to all, and a magical night."

Salt over the shoulder......

Stressed from a long day of work, I begin my daily ritual in order to rid my stress and leave work at work as opposed to taking it home. I stare at the salt and imagine each grain having a tiny mouth. I can see it eating stress. My stress flows from the center of my being as a dark cloud. It flows up my arm and to my hand. It is cold and I feel the warmth of the loving energy of the sun replace the void that is left as the cold stress is seeping away. The salt is ravenous and eats until I don't have anymore negativeness or stress left to feed it. Good salt. Purifying salt. Warm and relaxed, I smile and toss the salt over my shoulder. “Cough, cough, sputter, sputter. What the fuck are you doing?” I hear behind me. Horrified I turn around to see my very overt Christian boss dusting salt off his face......

Naw hasn't happened, but I can just imagine.... Throwing salt over your shoulder is the first exercise I'm starting in Chaos Magic. Salt in the hand after work is a great tool. You're supposed to hold it in your hand and imagine the salt eating all of your stress. Then you throw it over your left shoulder (yup just like the superstition). As I would probably get negative reactions, and in turn fuel my stress, I use something less conspicuous -- dirt. Being on a civil construction site, dirt is plentiful (to say the least). With people standing around watching me and my reactions all the time, this method isn't practical enough for me to use. The only time I'm stressed is at work. I am very good at leaving my work at work and my home life at home. There isn't any mixing of the two and that makes life easier. The drive to and from work (though I complain that it is a long drive) gives me time to leave home/work at the windshield. The best part – no one can hear me or see me long enough to cause a confrontation....so I can be as big as a retard as I want.

Though the dirt doesn't work well. I may try this with salt and leave my stress at work in the bathroom. I will flush it down the toilet instead of throwing it over my shoulder. I could see how this salt method would be a good leave-the-past-behind spell. Imagine the salt eating the unpleasant history or memory or emotion and throw the salt over your shoulder at a cross roads you don't visit often– walking away and not looking back. (this screams of a hoodoo recipe).

So I've instinctively made my mental space – and it's my Jeep. I've done this for over two years and it is second nature to me. The way to work is spent communing with spirits and self examination. The way home is to unwind and not think or concentrate on anything too hard. I refuse to think of what I have to do tomorrow, or even what I have to do when I get home. No thought of “damn, I need to stop at the store for a gallon of milk” is allowed either. I would say that creating mental space to release stress is accomplished. I like it. It works.

Relax by Deep Breathing

OK....no brainer here. I've been doing this to begin meditation for years and would call this accomplished as well. Breathing is my concentration point in early meditation, then comes the next step (muscle relaxation, slowing of pulse, opening of chakras, working of energy, viewing with third eye, deep examination, symbol search, spirit speak, etc) but breathing always comes first. Counted breaths and pauses are important as well as remembering to let the diaphragm pull in air and push out the bad. Seeing a feather or flame in front of my mouth/nose doesn't work that well for me. The object is to breath shallow enough to not move the feather or flame, but I find that I can't feed my body enough oxygen with this technique and this is why I think I get “happy limbs” – that involuntary jerking of the arms and legs.

The Toilet

This stress releaser is.....interesting. The good news is that it can easily be done at work. The idea of this exercise is to defecate or urinate in the toilet. While doing so, the feces or urine is the stress, the nastiness leaving your body. You feel lighter and stress free. Flushing the nastiness rids it of the area and dissolves the energy to be released elsewhere. I've used it, but I don't think I'll make this a common practice, because I begin to giggle (I find it all humorous – poo-poo-in-the-potty humorous) – see “Laughter as a Cure” below. This may cause a few raised eye-brows and interesting explanations....giggling every time you take a shit.

Standing in the Shower

This exercise I've done & still do with excellent results. Standing in the shower, head down, mouth open, allowing the water to curtain over you and “watch” and feel the stress being rinsed off of you. Eyes closed, breathing deeply through an open mouth and hearing and feeling the water like rain washing away impurities down the drain– very powerful. I find this great to use before a ritual if I don't have time to do a bath justice. After the negative rinse, I envision the water as light washing over me and purifying me. I like it. It works.

Ofnung Technique

I learned it in a pre-Lamaze class while pregnant with Ryan. The technique is simple. During a light meditation, after concentrating on breathing for a few minutes, you concentrate on each muscle in the body and relax it. Starting from the head and working to the tips of the toes, you concentrate on one muscle at a time. You feel a hand massaging it (imagining warmth works better for me). You then tighten the muscle then release it feeling total relaxation It works well and if I have pain (specially back, neck, shoulder tension) I use this with good results.

Laughter as a Cure

I've not purposely tried this one. You just start laughing. It starts as a fake laugh then turns into real, non-stoppable manic laughter begins resulting in the release of tension. I've personally not tried this due to feeling ridiculous. I would try it if alone and will try it within the week (if I can find some alone time – yeah right) – bathroom time does not count as alone time. I bet this would work well as we all know that laughter is “the best medicine” and is contagious. How many times have you been in the room and heard someone start laughing? You start laughing too – even though you have no idea why that person is laughing (could be at you for all you know) but the sound and the energy is contagious.

Next are exercises of breathing. I'm looking forward to that one. I've looked and some of them I have not tried. It should be interesting. I have a rhythm that I like and that works for me and have always had the motto “if not broke, don't fix it”. However if it can be more effective, I'm game. I'm glad that this is in the workbook so that I'm forced to try them – or I wouldn't. Though this may take me a few weeks, I will record my findings in the next section “hee hee hoooo”.

Our behavior is human with a sliver of animal, our souls animal with a sliver of human

I believe that souls have an evolution (for lack of a better word)...each ending with all lessons learned and joining the ALL. Much like giving our energy back....recharging the source we've been birthed. OR a de-evolution (if you will) for lessons not learned, stagnation, or major fuck-ups until that lesson/karmatic tie is experienced and learned (here's my example of Hell discussed on a previous forum). Example someone that denotes too much evil is demoted to a lesser life form. This could explain our cockroach population. “Lesser” life form....will be explored later. With that said though, I don't believe there is a difference in souls. 

 Mathew and I hashed it out last night and we've decided that the following makes the most sense to us. Though each soul goes through transitions, souls do not differ from life form to life form. For example a tree's or a cockroach's soul is no different that a human's soul. The only only difference is physical capacity (this hits with why humans have the need to feel superior to all other beings). We did however argue if a rocks soul is the collective conscious of the Earth or some thing bigger....or even if collective conscious stops at Earth....(I think on larger terms than my Mathew...but yup he has pagan DNA...). 

Physical capacity – brain power and movement/coordination abilities. Human usage of a larger brain gives them the advantage of recording histories, creativeness (tools, paintings, music), expression. The physical ability to make and use the tools to create our expressions. We deducted these reasons by the actions some would call 'too-human' of animals (of which I've listed below a few that we used during debate).

Humans are the only ones that are preoccupied over death.  No.  Elephants for example have been recorded having a funeral rite in which they pulled grass and tree branches and covered their dead Matriarchs body. The daughter of the deceased was witnessed returning to the grave and shedding tears and fondling the bones on a regular basis for years. 

Humans are the only ones that murder (take life without survival in mind).  Another is the newly documented recordings of a grizzly bear upon awakening from hibernation early went around to the black bears dens in the area and murdering them for fun. I say murdering because the black bears were still in hibernation and never had a chance to defend themselves. 

Humans are the only ones that enjoy sex.  No.  Look into Bonobo Monkeys sometime (yikes).  Humans are the only ones that force/take sex.  No.  Bachelor dolphins have been documented to corner and rape unwilling females. 

This brings me to and reminds me of an experiment we did in earth science while in high school. We started with a 10 gallon tank and three mice – two females and one male. Having a gestation of just 20 days, litters of 6 and 10, and babies becoming sexually active in less than two months, it didn't take long before the tank was overflowing! There were mice everywhere. The hare may be a futility symbol, but someone missed the mouse! We recorded all of our findings, feed, watered, and cleaned the tank on a daily basis. The cleaning and recording began to get very interesting after four months. With 20 +/- mice overpopulation behavior began. Though provided with a diverse and ample diet, mothers began to eat the newborn babies. Homosexuality became commonplace. Murder ran rampant. Bachelor mice formed gangs and caused mischief like biting off others' tails. 

This has been shown again in the wolves in Idaho. Due to them being domesticated and showing lack of wolf pack behavior, breeding ran rampant. In normal pack society only the Matriarchs are allowed to breed – usually but not always. However in the wolf packs in Idaho all the females whelped pups. This over population and having ample food led to sporting kill....the chase and kill of elk, deer, and moose for the fun of it....carcass left uneaten. It was noted too that more and more collared wolves are showing up dead with signs of a fight from canine. 

So, animals have sex for enjoyment, their morals are as questionable as ours, their intelligence, though questioned, has proven to be more than we give credit.

This brought us to the question of how much of this behavior can really be pinpointed to overpopulation? Chimpanzees in an under populated forest still rape and kill..... How much of this is “emotion” ...the philosophy of consciousness and mind, and how much of this is reaction to stimuli, is “hard wired”?  IE: Elephant = consciousness and mind = the real response & understanding of death.  IE: Chick = hard wire = runs for cover when sees a shadow from above.  Is it pure 'instinct' passed down with evolution?

We both agree that evolution is bunk. I would lean more to alien experiment before I would argue that we came from millions of generations of monkeys. That however, is an argument for a different post.

Ah..Hell..

Depends on the denomination. The Christians have the Lake of Fire Hell. Hel for the Norse is a place of torment. ‘Hell’ for Buddhists would be rebirth to Preta or depraved men. Most Wiccans don’t have a Hell, just a repeat of life to learn a Life-Lesson. Hades is but a place for the dead for the Greek - Tartarus being the equivalent to Christian Hell and Elysian Fields, Christian heaven (unless you prefer the classics then Hades is like Old Testament Sheol). For the Gnostics, Hell is but the separation from God. For others all together Hell is the permanent loss of consciousness. I could go on, but the list would be lengthy and I think you get the picture.

They all have what I’m gonna’ call a ‘scare tactic’. Separation, Karma, Torment. In short punishment. The question then is not IS there a Hell, but WHY is there a Hell. Morals, that which separates us from animals.

One can’t say for certainty “You will go to Hell and burn in a fiery furnace, if you don’t accept Jesus.” That would be the same as a Buddhist saying to you “Without enlightenment, you will be reborn as a cockroach.” You don’t believe them. They don’t believe you. Can you honestly say that your faith is stronger than hers? In the end, it doesn’t matter what you believe, just that you do believe. Christianity isn’t right for the Taoist, just like Taoism isn’t right for the Christian.

The Good....

I shall begin the study of Magick with a review of myself. For one knows that it is dangerous to practice such without full knowledge of your own character, personality, strengths, and weaknesses. To be honest with yourself is hard at times, but this will be explored first. This first page is my strengths; the second, my weaknesses. Afterward I will study as to how to turn my weaknesses into strengths.

The Good......

I'm physically attractive with a dainty but proportioned body. I have very elven features – small pointed ears and large almond shaped eyes, of which shine brown, green, gold, and blue. All eye colors in one. My hair is a dark-chocolate brunette. Due to the petite features of my face I keep my hair short (as my friends and co-workers call it, a pixie cut – my boyfriend just calls it sexy). My breasts are smaller like all elves, and my ass is very well shaped (or so I've been told on many occasion – no, not by just my boyfriend--sheesh). My olive complexion looks good even without a tan. My fingernails have a mind of their own and the ability to grow fast, strong and seem to keep very good shape naturally. My limbs and fingers would be considered slim and willowy.

Like all good elves I have an innate, almost impeccable balance. The elements dance through me making my movements graceful and natural. I don't have a problem finding rhythm, be it music, wind, rain, flame, or stone, tree, snake, breathing – I can find it. Everything has rhythm and they all speak to me.

I can also feel energies from animals (people too but mostly from animals). The stronger the connection with the animal, the easier it becomes. I've always been surrounded by animal friends. They, often times, are easier to understand then humans. I noticed that fact even as a very young child. Therefore, I made it a goal to study humans. Unfortunately I can predict their way of thought and their personality traits with almost a hundred percent success rate. I say unfortunately because animals are so much more pure and so less full of bullshit. Rarely am I surprised by someones actions. I may not understand the actions themselves, but I can understand the path, thought and energy, toward that action. With an open mind I can accept most everyone's actions regardless if they surprise me or not.

I am able to tap into the spirit realm at times. I have made contact with a few guides. One of which is my twin flame, guide, and protector – the male enlightened shining one, Belrizzo. Another is my guide, medicine, and strength – Kodiak brown, Garamore. One other is teacher, student, magical aid, power, friend, confidant, protector, and more – Chaos Dragon, Lexicon. I used to see spirits when I was younger, but therapy 'cured' that. I'm working at unlearning that 'correction'. Maybe then I can get back to my normal (as opposed to society normal).

I also have a knack for music. If I can hear it, I can usually play it with some practice. Piano, guitar, drums. I would like to get a hold of a wooden flute (Native American in a low D or B). That deep clean wood instrument calls to me.

My will power is special. I don't mind physical discomfort. I can will myself away from anything (and often do just to test myself). Food, cigarettes, booze – just to name a few. It works just as well the other way too. I can set a goal, set my will to it, and make it a reality. There is nothing that I can't accomplish.

I have a quick smile for people that share like energy and if put in the position to have to deal with people on a day to day basis can bullshit my way through pretty much anything. I can play the chameleon and be seen, the center of attention, fun, spontaneous, and find anything in common with those around me, or if I choose, I can not be seen or heard at all – the proverbial wall flower.

I am intelligent and can soak up information like a sponge. I question everything. I am able to grasp and understand complex ideals as well as figure out how pretty much anything works.....again another one of my knacks. I can read something and not forget it...unless I don't practice it. It then becomes like anything else – don't use it, lose it. I can also remember anything that anybody has told me. This can be a blessing or a curse.

Change follows me. Change is sometimes uncomfortable, but change is always necessary and in the end turns into good (even better than before the change). The divine blesses me with change and lessons. I am in the right place at the right time and all things just....fall into place. Never had I a want for money – mainly because of the will and knowledge to get money. But it goes beyond this. I'm always at the right place, right time, and right energy for me to get promoted super fast or get super bonuses, better work, or higher and free education. I also have the knowledge to live off of very little (just what the earth provides) and the ability to not care about a bit of discomfort. The divine takes care of me and sets me up for the future at all times.

I help. Sometimes I think I was put on this earth to lend support and help to those around me. Be it with knowledge, wisdom, counseling, companionship, or physical chores, I find myself going out of my way to help, guide, aid others. Even my work is dedicated to helping others. I seem to be put in that situation with friends as well. They are needing a push this way or that because they are stagnate. I give them that and support when they need strength as well. Some people I'm around get that, then it is time for them to move on. One example of this is Brett. Another is Mary. In truth my whole life is filled with this. Even as a young child my aunt would talk to me about her very adult problems and concerns (from finance, child raising, and coping with the death of her husband). My ancient 9 years of age was just enough for me to realize that she needed to just talk it through, and have someone there that would not judge her on her words or feelings. She needed just an ear. Then she was gone.

I'm pretty calculated. Very rarely do I act or make a decision without knowing exactly why I did that and what the reaction will be. I'm very much cause and effect. If I can't live with the effect, I don't do the cause. I would consider this far sighted. And again the spirits and divine help me with clues on the effect side of things.

The Bad.....

My emotions at many times are very remote. Though I understand the energy and reasoning behind many emotions, I don't feel them as strongly as others for some reason. I've often wondered if I'm broken. True joy escapes me. In all the days of my life, I can't recall one second that I experience pure, unadulterated joy or blind rage. Maternal-yes, warmth for family and pets-yes, contentment-yes, calculated anger-yes, happiness-yes, fear-yes. I've experience depression and hopelessness (strong feelings). But it wasn't until recently that I experienced heart-break and adult love (both strong feelings). The deep feelings you need for great magic though is missing from me. Pure Hate/Rage, Pure Love/Lust....I got but whispers like anger and adoration. The one feeling I've always known and can always remember and recall is exhaustion. 

I'm my own worst enemy and my very own whipping boy. I judge myself with WAY too much of a critical eye. Not only my looks, but my actions, lack of knowledge, and especially my mistakes. As a result I constantly struggle with self doubt which in turn leads to blockages. If you tell yourself enough that you are stupid, weak, or can't do it.....then you are and you can't.

I have many natural talents, but not the conviction to choose one and take it to the highest of levels. Therefore, I am always in the middle of the pack – again selling myself short when everyone (myself included at times) can see that I am plenty capable at being in the front of the pack. I call it laziness and lack of gumption...Whack! Whack! Take that whipping boy!

Again laziness comes into play with my religious practices. I don't have NEAR the rituals that I should have. I acknowledge the moon phases, holidays and through a circle now and then, but I don't do it to connect with the divine anymore. I've fallen off the wagon and have been experiencing the dark side of the soul for awhile. Hence this work now. I've even been kicked right out of the Astral straight back to my soft body because of two things. 1) I was forgetting that it is the Soft Body and the Now that is the lesson – not the romping astral that can acquire unknown information. 2) There is more growth for me before I can experience more astral. Ptttthhhh.

In an attempt to feel emotion, I concentrate on it too much. Without warning, it all comes out in an overwhelming volcano of uncontrollable emotional vomit. From unexplained laughter about nothing at all, to inconsolable weeping – again about nothing at all. These emotions, though I've tried to put my finger on a trigger or reason, is an extreme mystery to me. The feelings are not strongly experienced, but the physical outlet is. I'm broken, huh? Yup. Damn-I'm broken. I view these outbursts as a weakness. Whack! Whack!

I'm argumentative and very opinionated. If I believe I'm correct, I will over spend energy debating just that.....even if the argument is trivial and not worth while.

I get irritated at the drop of a hat. Everyone was put on this earth to please me, and by god they had

better do just that! But it gets more interesting, because I should not have to waste my breath telling that person what I want – he/she should know me well enough (or read my mind) and just DO IT or NOT do it.

The Ugly.....

I'm not afraid to lie, and do so if it benefits me....though getting caught in a lie creates some hesitation and a bit of fear (depending on who is doing the catching). Example – I've killed off family members to miss work for 'funerals'.

I hate weakness and often catch myself not feeling pity for someone, but disgust if that person is displaying weakness that I would conciser ridiculous. Many times I have to bite my tongue, cloak my energy, and hide my expressions with a stoic face. If I can/have done it, or can suffer through it without compliant, or control my health and psychology with not but my will of mind – then by damned everyone can, right? Pussies.

I can never progress fast enough and am eternally impatient.

Though I want to get ghost sight back and be able to communicate again with spirits on the physical realm, I fear that my rational mind will not handle it. I wonder if my conscientiousness will decide that it is crazy, or other. Once that flood gate is open, it can't be closed except with years of therapy and massive amounts of drugs (shudder with repulsion).

I don't have time for stupidity and find myself very impatient with the retarded.  Which I think there are entirely too much of.  The gene pool definitely could use some chlorination.  Especially if they are in a car...all bad drivers should get the fuck off the road and out of my way.  The very least they could do is acknowledge that they can see me flipping them off.

I call everything as it is to me. Regardless if it hurts the feelings (again weakness) of those around me or the receiver of said opinion doesn't want to hear it (even if said opinion is truth).

My mind can go from Zen calm to irritated don't give a flying fuck in .035 seconds.

I make small careless mistakes. I HATE that. You know the ones --- where you send an email without

the attachment or some other such little really stupid thing. I REALLY fucking hate that.....but laugh at the fucker that does it using them as a way to make me feel better "at least I'm not the only douche bag".

Some people that I really don't care for and wouldn't be heart broken if they suddenly croaked off (I mean learned all they were going to learn here and moved on). It gets worse. These people, well, sometimes I experience satisfaction if they are miserable or suffering from a bad fate of some sort. I've often thought that if I had the energy or could work up a bit of hate, I would throw out a curse here and there. Hate – nope. Never experienced it. I don't think this is evil, but it might be ugly.

I question everything.

My tits are too small, I have cottage cheese fat in places, puffy black bags under my eyes and you can see all the veins through my thin skin.

...Well....Wasn't that fun?

April Showers my ass....

To live in the west is like none other.  The wildlife here is intense and well as the vegetation.  EVERY thing flourishes here.  It's green here all year long.  I call the trees fuzzy because the bark of all the trees are graced with a fungus or moss of some sort.  Whom ever said that moss grows on the north side of a tree - has never been to western Washington....it grows all the fucking way around here - north be damned.  Ferns even grow on tree trunks here....



  ....if the damned loggers haven't cut it down yet.  Don't get me wrong, I don't disagree with the logging as long as it is treated as a crop.  Being treated as a crop means that it is always replenished.  I've noticed as well that though logging plots of land drastically change the shape of the landscape, it moves the wildlife around.  For instance a reprod is a section of a logged area that has been replanted and left to grow.  The trees here grow very thick and provides wildlife ultimate security.  A clear cut is an area that has been logged and not yet replanted.  This area is now open and allows grass to grow which becomes a favorite for wildlife (specially the herbavors) to feed.  The down side of this is that unlike corn or wheat, trees take MUCH longer to grow to harvest size.  I think it's a fucking shame that we've cut to human content and an old growth forest (a forest that has not been logged).  Not to mention that to walk down a road to see that the young forest you've been aquainted with for the last few years has been cut the fuck down....unspeakably sucks...

I've had the privilege of walking through and sleeping in and speaking with old growth forests here.  They sport firs, cedars, and pines older than 600 years old - great, proud, royal, strong spirits that grace this earth.  To just walk below thieir boughs listening to the birds is powerful, but to see a buck walk out infront of you and look at you with some surprise before santering off....or to hear a bull elk's screaming bugle will lift the hair on your neck and arms.  This last weekend I was sitting on the edge of a meadow waiting for dusk to catch a glimps of a nearby elk herd when three very playfull and curious grey jays came to talk to me.  And talk they did as well as perch on my knee and check me out real carefully before taking their banter elsewhere.

But the rain!! The fucking rain, Rain, RAIN!!  Yes, yes, I know, I know it must rain in order to get the vegistation to thrive.  But come on!! After 9 months out of the year...I get tired of using makeup to cover up my damned gills.  You would think that when it rains non-stop you wouldn't have to wash your car...WRONG.  If you don't mold grows all over it.  I shit you not.  Noah, if you are reading this, give me a call I need instructions as to build a huge fuck-off ark...k?

...But the 3 months it doesn't rain every day....bliss!  Nothing beats a ritual in the night forest!  THAT is when I love Washington.  However an outside ritual in the winter is near to impossible if you want to use all the promps and tools.  Ever try to light a candle when the whole fucking candle is soaked despite your best efforts to keep it dry.....or to find anything dry to have a small ritual fire - laughable.  Not to mention it takes the mood right out of a ritual when you slip and fall into the mud....trying to get through the ritual soaked, mud caked, and freezing is a lesson on self disapline I can tell you.  You'd better have all your notes memorized becuase you won't be able to read rain slogged paper.  Keeping the salt dry is another trick I've not learned either...not to mention the incense.  That is why, my dears, that western witches are so pale...from having their rituals indoors. :)